Camp Half-Blood RP

Rhys Benoit Son Of Hecate

General Information

Name: Rhys Benoit
Nickname: Wiccan
Age: 15
Birthdate: January 15th 1982
Went Missing: February 10th 1997
Hometown: New Orleans, Louisiana
Sexual Orientation: Find out O.o
Fatal Flaw: Impulsiveness

Family

Member	Name
Father	Jacques Benoit
Mother	Hecate
Step-Mother	Ilona Benoit
Half-Siblings	Conlan Benoit

Abilities

Powers

Passive Power: Minor Magic - Can Cast Minor Spells

Control Over the Mist

Ability to Communicate With the Dead

Currently locked.

Minor Necromancy

Ability to raise, control and dispel up to three dead people.
The dead he raises are rather brittle, like the night sisters in Jedi Fallen Order. They run really fast, are scary, but can be taken out with one slash.
Currently locked.

Weakness/es-Drawback/s

Like most demigods he'll start to feel tired after a bit of use. But for the magic and alchemy there's a bit of a catch. Anytime he uses a spell he must have the items needed for the spell. So, if it calls for a dracon's tooth he better have one.

Skill/s:

Lockpicking: Even though he's not a son of Hermes he does like to dabble in the art of breaking into places he shouldn't be. How else is he supposed to get inside of the recently condemned buildings?
Skateboarding: He can olly, kickflip and grind with the best of them. Also helmets are for losers.
Guitar: He likes to dabble on his sick Les Paul his uncle gave him for Christmas a few years back. He's no Jimi Hendrix, but he can hold his own.

Equipment

Nothing yet. Just standard Greek armor which he thoroughly hates.

Appearance

Faceclaim	Height	Hair	Eyes
Real Photo Drawn Photo	5'7"	Black	Light Purple

Description: Rhys is a typical looking emo boy. He has long blackish hair that he may or may not have gotten highlights in (not that he's telling). Rhys has eyes that look hazel from afar, but upon closer inspection he has light purple eyes. He's not super pale despite him being indoors most of the time due to him reading quite a bit. He reluctantly wears the Camp Half-Blood t-shirt, but has destroyed it on the sleeves so it has "style." He wears black skinny jeans (yes, even in the summer). Due to him having drawbacks on his magic he always is carrying a bag with different odds and ends to supply him with the necessary equipment to cast a spell.

Personality

Rhys does not much like to share. He feels like the universe is out to get him or something. He may have some trust issues, but what he lacks in that department he makes up for being fiercely loyal to those he does trust. He also can be rather reckless. He shoots off of the cuff and somehow gets into worse trouble then he was already in. Also Rhys likes the arcane and occult, not because he wants to commit blood sacrifices. Rather, he just thinks creepy things are cool and loves to scare people. In the best way possible, of course.

Backstory

Rhys was always an outcast. In fact, he was such an outcast he felt like an outcast even amongst his outcast friends in school. He could never figure out why. Rhys had grown up in New Orleans in the French Quarter. His family wasn't well off and his parents had struggled just to put food on the table. While he did feel love from his family he never felt warmth from them. He was the problem child and could never live up to his perfect older brother Conlan. He was the star pupil, had good friends, was a great athlete and blah blah blah. Rhys was not like that. He was weird, struggled in school, and had friends that his family told him would take him down the wrong road. Rhys didn't much care about that. His friends were like him, outcasts.
Being held to the standard of his brother really took a toll on Rhys. He would purposefully would not turn in assignments, would back talk teachers, and got into fights. That was the last straw. Rhys' parents decided that he needed discipline, so he was sent to a boarding school in Nevada. Rhys hated it there. However, while he was there he had some... weird... things happen to him. He had a teacher there, Mr Gunther, he smelled so foul. It was almost like a gym and a animal farm had been mixed together. Mr Gunther was the P.E. teacher and always had it out for Rhys. He was always pushing Rhys harder than the other kids and he could swear he heard him licking his lips multiple times.
One day in particular that feeling turned from Mr Gunther trying to kill him to Mr Gunther actually trying to kill him. They were playing the obligatory dodgeball in class. A normal day. That's when Mr Gunther had the great idea to have the entire class play against Rhys. Obviously Rhys lost. He had bruises all over his body and the class bully punched his shoulder and made a mocking noise as if he had just gotten hit by sixty dodgeballs. Rhys clenched his fist and walked past Mr Gunther and he swore he heard Mr Gunther mention something about tenderizing his meat, whatever that meant. Rhys, in a rare moment of restraint, didn't blow up on anyone. This wouldn't save him. Later that day Mr. Gunther had decided he had had enough of Rhys. Mr Gunther came into the locker room and eyed Rhys with anger. He berated Rhys and told him that he would have to do better next time. In his screaming tyrade Rhys made out that Mr Gunther had called Rhys into his office after class and that's when the craziest thing happened.
As Rhys entered the office and sat in the chair with an angry expression on his face. This wouldn't be the first time he got in trouble for doing literally nothing. Mr. Gunther asked Rhys if he knew why he had been called into his office. Rhys of course said a resounding no. Mr Gunther, in his deep raspy voice, told Rhys it had been so hard to know for sure who Rhys is. Rhys was confused. He was a nobody from a nobody family. Nevertheless Mr. Gunther continued and told Rhys that he could smell just how important Rhys was. This again confused Rhys. He could smell how important he was? What did that mean? Unfortunately Rhys wouldn't be able to ask any further questions. With a grin Mr Gunther told Rhys he needed no further confirmation and couldn't wait to eat him. In an instant Mr Gunther seemed to transform from the large lanky human he was to... a Cyclops.
Mr Gunther then tried to attack Rhys which went rather poorly for both of them. Rhys grabbed the chair he had been sitting in moments before Mr. Gunther attempted to smash him into a nice tomato sauce. Rhys took the chair and smacked Mr Gunther with it which surprised the sweaty Cyclops gym teacher enough to allow Rhys to escape. Mr. Gunther chased Rhys down the hall. To which he heard his classmates saying something about somebody having a gun. Rhys didn't take any chances and ran as fast and as far as he could. Rhys ran away and headed for the Las Vegas strip. He figured he could find a place to hide in that big of a city. He was, of course, correct. He didn't know just what that meant. He decided to head to a casino a little bit off the strip. He went to a casino that he could vaguely make out through his dyslexia called the Lotus Casino.
What felt like only a few days for Rhys turned out being a few decades. While Rhys was playing a weird high tech music game (you could play in your own rock band! How cool!). He somehow got free of the magic of the casino. He was focused on the game and made the high score, but as he hit the sore he was pretty sure a half goat half human person bumped into him resulting in Rhys realizing he had just seen a half goat half human which really blew his mind. He shook his head and looked around and saw a lot of things that didn't make sense. Like one person was talking to a cell phone, but it wasn't any cell phone he had ever seen before because the man was able to to touch the screen and things just did things for him. He saw a kid watching videos on his phone on the world wide web. Something was off and Rhys had to get to the bottom of it. Through some miracle Rhys made it to Camp Half-Blood not realizing just who he was or how long it was since he went missing.

Friends and Allies

Otto Gautier - Interesting friend he made in the middle of the woods. They both get each other quite a bit and became fast friends. That was until Otto made Rhys pretty mad at a campfire. They haven't spoken since.
Bella Diana - They had a good time at a campfire and Rhys didn't mind having her around.
Cel Aria - Helped him realize he is more of a bow and arrow guy than sword and shield guy. Also they got along fairly well.
Jacob - Half brother and someone he feels the need to look out for even if the kid doesn't need it.
Trevor Kennedy - Technically his nephew, but that's weird. Trevor has really helped Rhys with his magic and Rhys has a weird connection with him. One of the first people Rhys told about his past.
Mercury Novak - Rhys' half-brother who he knows little about. They just haven't interacted much since Rhys came to camp. They did have a heart to heart where Rhys asked for some advice and now they seem much closer.
Claude McLeod - Rhys and him met at the failed matchmaker event. They got along really well and decided to go on a second date. So far they just like each other and Rhys is seeing where things are going.

His Story So Far

Control

Coming to grips with his powers.

Someone Lost Their Mind

Rhys learns a bit about where his father is.

Rhys has officially watched the orientation film and feels sufficiently confused about his life. He sits in a sort of daze on the steps on the big house looking over at his new life. Maybe this is where he finally belongs... probably not.
^image ^credit ^flamespeedy

New Camper I'm Working On: Rhys Benoit

Camp Half-Blood RP

Rhys Benoit Son Of Hecate

General Information

Family

Member	Name
Father	Jacques Benoit
Mother	Hecate
Step-Mother	Ilona Benoit
Half-Siblings	Conlan Benoit

Abilities

Powers

Passive Power: Minor Magic - Can Cast Minor Spells

Control Over the Mist

Ability to Communicate With the Dead

Alchemy Expertise

Weakness/es-Drawback/s

Like most demigods he'll start to feel tired after a bit. But for the magic and alchemy there's a bit of a catch. Anytime he uses a spell he must have the items needed for the spell. So, if it calls for a dracon's tooth he better have one.

Skill/s:

Lockpicking: Even though he's not a son of Hermes he does like to dabble in the art of breaking into places he shouldn't be. How else is he supposed to get inside of the recently condemned buildings?
Skateboarding: He can olly, kickflip and grind with the best of them. Also helmets are for losers.
Guitar: He likes to dabble on his sick Les Paul his uncle gave him for Christmas a few years back. He's no Jimi Hendrix, but he can hold his own.

Equipment

Nothing yet. Just standard Greek armor which he thoroughly hates.

Appearance

Faceclaim	Height	Hair	Eyes
Real Photo Drawn Photo	5'7"	Black	Light Purple

Personality

Backstory

Shows Coming Near You This Week (4/14 - 4/20)

🌧✨ Reddit Dragula - S3 Meet The Monsters | Part One ✨🌧

As a pre-conceived warning, this MTM will not be as good as last seasons. Due to my own mistake, I should’ve been more specific on it being more of a look description so I could have free range on the episode writing, however these girls and the other ones coming in the next part SLAYED for their first times, and honestly they’ll make this part good themselves. I apologise.
[START]
“What did you see?”
The sudden opening of the first scene occurs, appearing with a booming lightning strike sound, the constant loud splatter of rain drops pouring from the pewter clouds above can also be heard within the storm. The camera panned from the near trees, outwards into the clearing, where a drenched woman small of stature huddles within a blanket next to a police officer, residing next to the camp fire which had clearly extinguished due to the weather; the relentless amount of opaque, thick smog rising and intoxicating the air. She trembles and shakes in the cold night, shook up from something she had seen. The police officer near her leans further in, patting her back, the tense music continuing to crescendo.
“I saw Ev-evi-evita.”
A close up of a mixture of rain and tears rolling off her jawline happens, then the camera suddenly switching to the policeman's frowning face.
“Ok, this girls clearly done drugs. Just take her somewhere, to her home, whatever.”
The man scratches the rubble upon his jaw, and then stares into the distance of the forest, thinking that he saw a dark silhouette moving around, shaking his head and getting into his car, slamming the door in disappointment. One more lightning strike occurs, the intense, blindening blue blast of lightning covering the screen, transitioning into the new scene.
Las Vegas
11:00 PM
“Back, back, back here again. Spinning the wheel one more time.”
The camera pans through the streams of posh, upper class people in formal attire, treading over the crimson velvet floors and leaving behind their footprints. Fantasia can be seen, back in the same spot of last season, before a casino table in which rests the same wheel used from last season, each quarter reading the name of a final four queen. She also wore the same dress from the last time she stood in the spot. Her large, talon-like, royal blue fake nails come into view as she grabs onto the spin wheel, spinning it and watching it slow down. Vibrations emit from her phone, Fantasia looking down as she sighs and reluctantly answering the call, disrupting her attention to the spinning wheel. Whatever it landed on was blurred out as she turned, and awaits to hear the unknown voice on the call.
“Who died? Have I been sent home yet? Oh no what’s the twist? Wait, I don’t want to know, what is it?” She practically yells down the phone, eyeing up those who walked past her and gave her the evils.
The scene cuts to Fantasia rushing to her car, stumbling in her heels, gripping onto the cold handle and swinging the door open, throwing herself in. She ends the phone call, sighing, and then drives down the strip and out into the dessert. The roaring exhaust on the vintage car emitted vast sounds waves and smoke, whipping up the sand into whirlwinds and suffocating the air that lacked any moisture. The night sky was dawned upon her, with a slight red cast as the sun went down, continuing to drive faster as she looked at the time within her car. She eventually leaves the dessert scene, and finds herself pulling out of a police station, rushing into the doors whilst pushing past people and peering around for the sheriff's office.
“What did you see?”
She drops heavily onto the chair next to the woman who was found earlier, rushing her on for an answer.
“No, I don’t care about the cross dressing pedo, and yes you’re scarred by my stunning face, but a faster answer please. I don’t have all day, not all of us work on the same brain speed of… myself.”
“I saw a dark area, I’m not sure where it was. Almost like an empty room. And there were these monsters…”
The scene fades out, transitioning to another one which shows what she saw. A dark empty area, from what we can presume a room, was shown, only lit by a far flickering bulb in the distance, the only sound is of the faulty electrics and loose wires about the room, occasionally emitting sparks. Faint footsteps echoed off the wall, but coming from no sure direction, the camera spinning slowly until it focuses on a series of unknown figures.
The room was, well, as bright as you could expect an abandoned warehouse-y place to be, with walls as dark as the minds of those that entered it, and a thin veil of dust and mist that intermingled as it fell from the damp, mold-encrusted ceiling. Ava Adore slowly stepped into the light, her platforms scraping against the cold concrete floor. Her outfit was fairly simple-she wore a short, neatly-cut bob wig that just scraped her chin, green face paint dripping down her mouth in some semblance of vomit. Her eyeshadow was an acid-bright yellow and her lips a shade of pink in a similar brightness. Her t-shirt was black with neon pink writing declaring the words "Vomit gore", and her skirt was a similar shade of yellow to her eyes, a skintight PVC material. Her leg attire was quite similar in its simplicity, black fishnets with fake blood dripping down from her thighs in a crude simulation of menstruation. She gave the camera a disinterested stare with her white contacts, as if she felt almost a disdain for her situation. The dark scene fades into a confessional.
[AVA | archdukelidl]: Ugh, I'm Ava Adore, I'm, like, 22? and I'm from the west midlands. Or whichever trash bag you pull me out of after a night of partying. Seriously, I've ended up in some wild places. My drag style is best described in two words: Party filth. Like, acid neon, puke and death. As you can probably tell from my outfit. I don't think it fits into the typical conventions of filth drag but I'll go with it. I like to experiment with horror stuff occasionally too. I would say my drag is out-of-the-box but that just sounds cocky, right? Oh, wait, who gives a fuck? Yeah, it's out of the box. If you can even find a box big enough to fit my fat ass. I have high hopes for myself, like, I don't expect to win, but I expect to put up a damn fight and I will cut a bitch with my fake nails if I have to. But winning would be cool so I'm not gonna do that, because that's like a disqualifiable offence, yeah? I got my drag name from a song by the Smashing Pumpkins, even though their music isn't really what filth is about. I just thought it sounded like a classy name. And I am the absolute opposite of that shit! Anyway, laters! I gotta go find some shit to drink.
“How many others did you see?”
The scene of her vision continues, Fantasias voice heard in the background as she continues to question the girl for answers.
The room was dark, thick smoke covers the room as a dark shadow appears through the smog. Anita walks in, one hand on her mask, the other stretched out in a claw-like fashion. She appears in a beaked mask, akin to those worn by the plague doctors during the black plague. The base of the full black mask is made of metal and the beak is made of hard leather, with clear glass on the eyeholes. She is wearing a red leather sex harness as a top with bare chest. The straps of the harness form a crisscross across her chest and the “straps” are thick enough to cover her nipples. She is wearing a pair of flare pants with feather ruffles on the sides that move beautifully with every step she takes. A rope belt with skulls is wrapped around her waist, with the excess dangling on her left side. She is also wearing an 8-inch black stiletto heel with a chunky front portion. Anita has on black leg warmers made of feathers on her forearms over a black latex wrist-length glove underneath. She accessorizes the look with a necklace with 5 skulls spaced out around it and dangling skull earrings. She is wearing a grey thick dread wig with smaller skulls in it. As Anita walks through the smoke, she takes off the mask, revealing red tribal markings on her forehead, with 2 pointed stripes painted downwards underneath her eyes, perpendicular to her lips. She has on a strong dark smokey eye and no brows, with a strong black lip. Her body and right arm also has matching red tribal markings. To complete the look, she is wearing blackout lenses to add intensity. On her back, she is wearing a rusty copper-colored cage, held by chains like a drawstring bag, with a mystery item in it. As she walks to the center, she twists and squirms as if being possessed by a demon. Once she hits the marking, she stands straight and silent, before turning around to release the black crow in her cage. She laughs maniacally as she watches her crow fly around the room, a symbol of her releasing her evil into the atmosphere.
After the camera focuses on the individual, it slowly fades back into the confessional scene.
[ANITA | passingpeaches ]: Sup whores. My name’s Anita Dragname and I am 25 years old from sunny Singapore. My drag is polished, wicked and gagworthy. I signed up to Reddit Dragula 3 cause I’ve had a taste of competing in RDR1 Remastered and thought I could give this a shot too. Some of my looks on that season have been said to be “very Dragula” by the other girls, so why not? I think out of the 3 elements of Dragula, I resemble Horror the most as I’m always turning spooks, stunting creepy.
The questioning continues to be heard, as another figure can be saw in the distance, beside Anita who had just appeared in the light.
“The werent only two, there were lots. Have you ever just saw something and it’s scarred you?”
“Yeah, I saw RDR2.”
“They kept appearing, it was so odd.”
The dark figure moves closer and closer.
Catheterina steps out covered in dirt, head to toe. She begins by standing with her feet far apart and her arms straight out by her sides so you can take in all of her filthy glory. Her dark auburn hair is large and in charge, extremely unkempt and poofy. The hair is waist length, with the top of the wig beginning six inches above her head. Upon closer inspection, you can see that there are dead roaches all throughout her hair. Her lipstick is chocolate brown, with a smudge on her upper lip to the left to give the impression that she’s been eating dirty ass. Her eye-shadow is bright green and each in the shape of a leaf, with a line coming out of each of her eye-lines to appear as a stem. To top it off, she has a roach pasted on her forehead with two worms coming out of each side to appear as a headband. On her extended arms is a brown garter snake, wrapped around her neck and both of her arms. On her left hand it’s rearing its’ ugly head, fully alive and well, with the snake’s body ending on Catheterina’s right hand. Her chest is covered with a tassel of leaves formed in the shape of a butterfly, with two brown leaves arranged vertically across the sternum, and crumpled up orange leaves to form the breasts. She has a belt that is also made of green leaves with two twigs sticking out at each side, holding up her knee-length, upside-down-cone-shaped skirt that is made of tiny twigs and sticks and slants downwards to the point that it sticks out five inches from her knees, still leaving see through areas. She steps forward with her arms still spread out, but then raises her right hand and begins pulling the dead roaches out of her hair, until she sticks out her right hand to show the handful of six roaches, and then eats them one by one like a bunch of M&M’s. The next handful she grabs, she smushes them on her right cheek, wiping the trails of their bodies across her face and then licking up the remnants. She pulls a worm off her forehead and it begins to swirl around. She lets it through one of the holes in her skirt to crawl up her urethra, with her mouth wide open in shock and pleasure at what she’d just done. For her finale, she unwraps the snake from her arms and allows it to hang around her neck for a bit, before bringing it up to her face and allowing it to lick her. She returns the favor by deep-throating its’ head before pulling it back out, still bobbing its’ head.
[CATHETERINA | asiaoharasdragrace]: I’m Catheterina Dick, named after the hopes that my outfits will make you cringe harder than my drag name and like I tell all my male suitors, I’m 18. I’m from Louisiana. Considering no one would recognize the name of my actual town, I’ll just go with New Orleans. It’s like my home away from home because there’s smelly homeless people everywhere so I fit right in. If I had to describe my drag in 3 words, mental illness manifestation. Kidding, sort of, but really I’d say campy, grungy, and trashy. I signed up for this because I need the online validation I don’t get in real life. Jk, but in all honesty I’ve been following these interactive seasons for a while, and Dragula allows you more freedom to be crazy and nasty and shocking, so I figured this was my opportunity to take the nightmares I’ve been having as long as I can remember and bring them to life- on Reddit. I easily resemble filth the most. I’m literally down for anything. This look only scratched the surface of how gross I am. I will drink piss and swallow whole live frogs and chop off toes if that gets me the Reddit Dragula crown. Hell, I’ll still do it anyways.
“Ew, that one sounded gross. Let me guess, there was another one?”
As the exposed queens disappear, the continuation of the sound of footsteps occurs, getting closer and closer, the camera occasionally flickering off and on.
Sue stepped out into the light with a pure air of elegance, embodying the jazz singers of days gone. When she looked in the lense you felt the whiff of whisky and regret hit you. When she twirled and the slit came up on that velvet gown it was as if she was sex herself. Candid, yet with ulterior motives behind it. She pulled a stiff cigar from her bodice, but rather than putting it to her mouth she put it to her neck, seemingly inhaled and then released the fumes through her mouth. The years of sin in the city and vice had made physical differences to her body. Rather than letting it be a catalyst for improvement she simply used it to show how little she cared. Her arm began to jitter, and she ripped off her glove revealing an IV bag of yellow liquid attached to her arm. Her hand began to contort into an assortment of glamorous poses, showing it to be in her nature to keep it beautiful. She pulled out a bottle of red wine from under her dress titled “Jesus juice, tastes like the end of the road”. She yanked out the cork and began drowning her arm in the juice, attempting to get it into where the IV had rested. She needed into her bloodstream, and the way she shook the bottle to get the liquid in was near visceral. Exhausted from the ordeal she fell to the ground, pulling her glove back up above her elbow in an attempt to be seductive, before giving up on this wish (as she likely did with many others in her life), and dragged her makeup while grabbing the cross laden below the throat cavity and saying some short prayers
[SUE PERB | HashtagDeathSplat]: I am Sue Perb, short for Susan Perb and longer for Susanne Perb, I am from The United Kingdom and I’m whatever age you want me to be. Sue is unexpected, polished and pristine. She serves you glamour with a twist. She’ll give you always a simple silhouette but always with a trick up her sleeve. It’s always polished and neat before it all inevitably goes to shit when she destroys the floor. I always try to embody a glamour and a beauty in what I do, and I use that as my way to present the other aspects. I signed up to Dragula to win a motherfucking crown and do something creative with my vacation.
“I mean, they weren’t all females. There was one that appeared quite masculine too.”
“Not a straight right?”
“I don’t know.”
Another daunting silhouette can be seen, as the light flickers Sue disappears from view, whilst the unknown person walks towards the lens.
The king emerged from the darkness of the room, a flash of light coming from the miners helmet he is wearing. Cobwebs cling to the yellow helmet as the dim headlamp flickers. His face is sunken in, the makeup creating deep dark circles under his eyes and sharp, jutting edges of his face. His chin has a smattering amount of dark brown stubble, which is contrasted by his intensely thick brown eyebrows. His face is an ashen gray color with short dirty blonde hair sweeping down to partially shade his eyes, which are blue. His overalls are a dark faded green color, they cling to his body, revealing a thin, wiry frame, and they are covered in dust and cobwebs. He is bare chested underneath the overalls, with the rest of his body painted similar to his face: gray and skeletal. There is a huge tear in the side of his overalls, caused by a large chunk of rock embedded into his side, with blood seeping through at a slow rate. His heavy, black combat boots drag and kick up dust as he shuffles forward deliberately, clutching a spray-painted gray sunflower close to his chest.
[INDIGO CHILD | cloudess15]: Hey, I’m Indigo Child, also known as cloudess15, and I’m 26, which means I’m past my biological prime and my cells are slowly dying. I’m a punk ghoul from the Twin Cities and my drag can best be described as undead, cynical, and comical. I definitely represent horror the best because there is nothing more terrifying than a butch who knows how to do makeup. I decided to do this competition to further develop my drag aesthetic. Let the Purple Reign begin!
The office scene returns, where Fantasia can be seen frowning at the girl whilst she describes what she saw.
“Portia, girl, come on. Please don’t tell me you’re having a relapse from your drug look on the Coachella challenge.”
Suddenly the woman, now known as Portia, snaps out of her depressing mood, turning red as she watches Fantasia rub her head in disappointment.
“It’s not my fault. It got me the win, so why wouldn’t I try again for the finale?”
“Just continue, tell me the others.”
It snaps back to the dark room.
A very tall and very pale figure steps into the doorway. In the half light, all that is visible is the soaring swoop of a skyscraper pompadour, and the glowing ash of a lit cigarette. She exhales the smoke in a perfect circle and steps forward. Razor sharp cheekbones adorned with metallic silver contour draw your attention up to golden brown eyes framed with lengthy spiked lashes. There is a sparkling viscous substance smudged around the eye and delicately spilling down her cheeks. How much of it is silicone glitter versus actual blood is anybody's guess. Her nails are certainly long enough to have scratched somebody's eyes out. Her fur bomber coat is as blood red as her hair, but the artfully slashed sequined chiffon strands underneath it could only be called a shirt by the blind or the generous. The only thing keeping the top half of the outfit from disintegrating is an elaborately woven double wide obi style belt made from sex shop cock rings and bits of old denim. Silver latex high waisted leggings hug a booty that tests the limits of the concept of 4 way stretch, and the surprisingly long and slender legs that carry it are encased in a red latex thigh high boot that matches the hair and the coat. She takes the last drag of her cigarette (stained with remnants of lacquered red lipstick), and crushes it under her stiletto heel in a manner that borders on niche pornography.
[ANGIE APATHY | msmonochrome]: Hello uglies! I'm Angie Apathy, old enough to know better, but young enough to still do it anyway. I'm born and bred in New York City, a place so dirty that my last subway ride was probably filthier that all of last season's runways put together. If I had to describe my drag in 3 words, they would be grungy grindhouse sexbot. I can switch from Fellini to Fulci at the drop of a hat, and bring a Dragula style celluloid cocktail of glamour and horror to the competition, with a dash of kink fueled filth thrown in. As a new face, these other girls might not give me much credit. That's fine, as I prefer to get the cash up front. Why Dragula Season 3? Apathy is nothing more than a fancy word for having not a single fuck left to give, and I am here to snatch the crown away from the tired masses of H.P Lovecraft fanfic and queens who still think blood capsule residue dribbling down their chin with some butcher shop entrails is super spooky.
The faulty light bulb flickers once again, Angie fading from view, replaced by one more dark silhouette that falters in the distance, stumbling towards the ambience of light.
A diadem of black tendrils sat proudly upon her grey skin. The cords intertwined themselves in a complicated manner, tying into thick webs that formed a netting. Only two of the crown's cords were not fitting in this order, instead, hanging loosely upon each side of her face. Her skin was grey, the shadows battling each other upon her visage. Her lips were basked in a deep plum color, with a single drop of blood staining them. Her cheekbones were high, strangely and disgustingly high. Erathelle stares down with her white contact lenses. There was only white in her pupils, the tones of violet and grey that danced around her eyelids being the only drop of color present. Where her eyebrows should have been, another pair of eyes were drawn. They were angular, thin, sharp, staring directly at the camera. Her gown went up to her neck. The lace of it was black, delicate, and torn into several spots, leaving her skin exposed around the shoulders and collarbones. Her abdomen resembled an insectoid carapace, having a series of blunt spine-like structures erupting around her stomach and down to her hips, where the dress falls down into a mermaid cut that hugged her legs tightly, spinning about as she walked. There were long threads of linen that hanged from her hands and diadem, swathing in the wind as she walked. Erathelle brought up a single finger to her lips. Pressing hardly upon her skin with her dark, fake nail, she would cut down in a single swipe as a thin droplet of blood crashed down upon her chin. The goddess Arachne had been dormant for too long - and now, she grows hungry.
[ERATHELLE | cuntaliefondant]: My drag name is Erathelle, but you can call me Era for short. It comes from my religious name. I am a Wiccan priest, and I go by "Erastis". So I took "Era", and added "thelle", because I love French sounding shit and there you have it. I am eighteen years of age. Fresh out the womb, right? I’m from Romania, where all the vampires and gypsies come from. Hide your drag from me, I'm gonna steal it. My drag in three words would be blasphemous, obscene, foul. A girl after your own heart. I think I embody horror the most. I think my purpose as a monster is to defile, and I really can't put it in better words. Everything I touch turns into a horrifying, ugly, repulsive mess.
Fading back to the scene in which Portia and Fantasia sat opposing one another, they both pause for a second and think.
“So, you’ve basically cast S3 for me through a drug trip?” Fantasia quieries her, confused but also thankful at the same time.
“Well, if you want them monsters on the cast then yeah, I guess so. What about the other 6?”
“I’ll go to wherever you imagined, you must’ve been there in the past anyway and find the others. Thanks, you’ve finally been useful for once.” She pats Portia on the back as she rises, heading to the door. “Write that damn finale submission already too, whore.”
She hurries out of the police station, in disgust with the toxic fumes that arose from the severe amounts of men smoking cigarettes, coughing as she regains balance on the slippery steps and gets back into her car. Pulling out a raggedy map from the cabinet, she opens it up and looks down at where she’s meant to be driving.
“I don’t even know how to work maps.”
She scans her finger over certain circled locations, such as one labelled ‘ancient chapel’, even one in Mexico, sighing.
“I’ll just go north.”
Fantasia presses down onto the acceleration pedal, switching on the radio and Euthanasias rap begins to play as the car storms off into the distance, disappearing from view.
[END]
Yet again, I apologise for the quality of the episode. Episode one will make up for it, and just a thank you to each queen in this part and the upcoming one for doing so well and actually making this worth reading.

[Table] IAmA Person on day 44 of Paddling the entire Mississippi River

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2012-05-29
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post

Questions	Answers
How do avoid the larger river traffic (barges, ships, etc..) that might not be looking out for something as small as a kayak? Any close encounters?	The barges stay in their marked channel well and are not a huge problem. I was in a few large pools this last weekend when everybody took out their motor boats. A bunch of drunks in speedboats are scarier to me. I had a guy Sunday come within a few feet of me. I almost threw my paddle at him.
	When I was passing through Burlington Iowa 2 boats collided a few miles down from where I was camping. 4 people died and I have been much more cautious since then.
	I had a barge sneak up on me from behind near the Wisconsin, Illinois border. I about pooped my self when it blew it's horn at me. Stupid Iowa NPR had a segment called "steamboat stories" that had that sound every time it started and would send shivers up my spine.
Not that I'd be pulling rank with a barge, but don't you technically have the right of way being that you have no motor? At least sail boats always have the right of way.	Barges stay in their channel that is well marked by bouys. I might have the right of way but that means nothing if they can't see me.
Simple question- Why are you doing this? Also, any pics to share?	Generic answer I give - "Because life is short and I wouldn't want to live it without having paddled the Mississippi"
	Personal answer - "I need to get back to nature to figure out some stuff after Iraq"
	Reason Now - "I want to come back next year and help a wounded warrior to become the first paraplegic to paddle the entire river. The amount of freedom I feel everyday is breath taking and I want to share it with someone who deserves it"
	*edit - I am uploading an album to imgur now.
I want to come back next year and help a wounded warrior to become the first paraplegic to paddle the entire river. Please let us know when you get to the planning phase of this. I'll gladly kick in some money towards it.	First thing when I get back. This is my new biggest priority besides not dying on the river.
Personal answer - "I need to get back to nature to figure out some stuff after Iraq" If you find yourself in New Orleans next Saturday, I will buy the booze.	I will be there in 4 weeks.
The first answer is good enough for me, but each one after gets better and better. Best of luck to you :o)	The ups is that I go as far as I want everyday, stop when I want and have time to really discover myself. I also can sing as loud as I want to a Kesha or Pink song on the radio while I am paddling.
Another question if you will? - What are the ups and downs to doing this solo? (Note: Solo, not alone)	The downside is it is very lonely. When I first started out I would not see people for days and was alone which was ok and I felt fine. Now that I am somewhere where I see people all the time I feel lonely. Every person I meet asks me the same 3 or 4 questions.
Where do you jerk off?	In my tent, the hammock makes it hard to maneuver.
When will you pass through Memphis? I ~~reddit~~ work literally on the banks of the river just south of the I-55 bridge.	In about 8 days.
1) What are the expected total costs (gear included)?	1) The boat and gear ran me about 2000 dollars. 400 dollars for the ticket to Minneapolis, 300 to the guy who took me to Itasca. Then about 20 dollars per day I was on the river.
If you ever need a ride from Minneapolis to Itasca again, please just come to /twincitiessocial or PM me. $300 is ridiculous and I know that we could find someone to tote you up there for much less.	I gave him 300$ because while I was waiting to go up I was bumming around the Mall of America, killing time. A cute girl asked me if I wanted to go to a casino and I said yes, because I love buffets and knew I could eat whatever I wanted. Waiting for the bus back to the mall so I could catch the shuttle back to my hotel I put 20 dollars in the Ghostbusters slot. I won 600 dollars. I don't really gamble and so I bought a nice hat and some nicer sunglasses for my trip. The guy who gave me a ride would have done it for free but I felt he deserved more and so gave him half of my winnings.
Is your name Huck or Jim?	I am glad you did not write out Jim's name like Mark Twain did.
Would that even be possible? You'd exert so much energy per mile compared to going downstream...	Everything from Minneapolis to St. Louis is flat because of the 29 locks and dams. It makes the river more like a staircase than a slope.
I noticed there was a picture of you inside a lock. Do they actually let a tiny boat like yours through the locks? Do they open and close the locks just for your little kayak?	It seems a bit excessive but they send me through all by myself. The people at the locks are the only people I regularly talk to and are usually cool guys. In the locks with the bigger drops it feels like Star Wars with the giant gates opening.
But I mean you're going against the current regardless. Do kayaks skim the water so it wouldn't be too difficult? I guess I imagine paddling downstream somewhat like tubing down a river. Am I wrong?	Back when the river was small and shallow there are sections that are class 2 rapids that would be very very difficult to paddle upstream. Also Saulk Rapids a couple of days north of Minneapolis would be almost impossible to paddle through. I think a rowing skiff would work best on most of it.
Pool 26 represent. FYI, St. Louis's sewer company, MSD, dumps raw sewage into the Mississippi. Hows the water quality now that you've come to our fine city?	It has been nasty since Minneapolis. Everybody's poo goes into the river.
How do you get on reddit?	I am at a hotel today. I have a smartphone and reddit is fun on it.
1) how are you going to paddle to pensacola? is it safe to take your boat through the gulf?	1) I plan on paddling the inter coastal most of the way from the mouth to Pensacola, my boat is very stable and can handle the gulf if I need it to.
2) do you like living in pensacola? do you consider it part of the deep south?	2) I do not like living in Pensacola, I plan on moving back to SLC. Pensacola is a great place to visit but not so much to live in, and yes it is very deep South.
Do you stop and visit some places you pass? If so, did you stop in the quad cities? (that's my hometown)	I paddled through the quad cities at night. Your hometown is probably the most polluted area on the Mississippi. The water smelled like paint. I broke my paddle in the quad cities and was not very happy there.
How did you break your paddle?	Going through the last lock in the quad cities I had to pee very bad. There is a rocky area just left of the locks when you exit. A lock can take 30 minutes and I had to go really bad. When I was paddling into that rocky area my paddle hit a rock and the blade broke.
Twin cities resident here! Did you see all the dogs along the shore chasing balls and having a merry time just before passing Fort Snelling?	I did. They were on my left as I paddled by. Dogs love to come to the banks and bark at me. *edit - I keep a detailed journal while I am out here but you just reminded me of something I might have never remembered had you not asked. Thanks.
Had I been there that day this may have greeted you. Link to imgur.com I do have a serious question though: how has gear weight played a part in your selection of gear? How much does all of your gear weigh sans kayak? How often do you stop to resupply food and how much food and water do you carry with you?	I do not have to worry about weight like I do when I backpack. My kayak alone weighs around 65 pounds. My gear is probably around 45 pounds now and I have about 15 pounds of food. I carry usually a weeks supply of food that is mostly mac and cheese and stovetop stuffing for dinner with pop tarts and candy bars for the day. Water is more difficult than food. I have a 10 liter MSR water bag and a 4 liter platypus bag. I have not been able to filter or treat my water since Minneapolis, and usually fill it up with a hose.
Do you not have a good enough filter & treatment for the water or just don't trust it given the water quality?	You can't filter water from an oil slick.
So yeah, antiseptic. Hand sanitizer would be cheap and relatively light.	I worked in Yellowstone after college at the Snow Lodge. Fly fishing is an art I will never master. If you ever have a chance to go out there and fish the Snake River or the Yellowstone River, take it. I am glad your eye is ok now.
I have plenty of other questions as well: when it's time to sleep do you simply pull off and sleep on shore? I know there has been some torrential rain lately, how has this effected your trip? Any weather situations that have forced you to stop for the day/had you scared shitless?	When I was crossing Lake Cass it began sleeting on my and the winds were causing 3 foot waves. I fell in. I had a bag with fleece pants a fleece jacket and a pak-towel in case of this. After I got into dry clothes I paddled upriver to a lodge I saw earlier. I went into the shower and could not touch the water with my hands without intense pain. Without having been prepared I could have died that day, but luckily I didn't.
	I usually just find an island on the river and set up there.
Do you have it setup so things stay in the kayak if it tips?	Yes everything is strapped down and in waterproof bags.
What is this monkey swing you speak of?	I take one arm and grab a tree branch then swing way back so my poo does not hit my feet. I call it the Monkey Swing because I feel like a monkey swinging from branch to branch.
How was La Crosse? Did you stop there by any chance?	I did. A beautiful girl at the awesome river park recommended a pizza place and I ate four very large slices. La Crosse was a beautiful town with a great river front.
What did you do with your boat while you went to get the pizza?	The rocks up to the park are pretty steep and it was such a nice clean place I felt like it was safe there.
Awesome! It's my hometown. (I'm in Ohio right now for school.) I'm glad you enjoyed it! What pizza place was it, do you recall? Good luck on the rest of your journey, sir!	It was across from a bar called the library.
Beautiful women, recommending pizza? I must go to this place.	She had just come from a food co-op also.
Australian cricket legend and World War II fighter pilot Keith Miller put things into perspective when he was asked how he handled the pressure of international cricket. His reply: "Pressure? A Messerschmitt up your arse is pressure. Playing cricket is not." My question: Does your currrent undertaking feel like a walk in the park compared to your time in Iraq? Do you think that this challenge is made (or feels) easier in some way by the experiences you made during your service?	Apples and Oranges. We relied on each other a ton over there and it was a shared experience. I feel that my time in the service gave me the confidence to try to achieve something that might seem impossible.
Are you going through the locks when you come to them? Or are you going around on foot?	I am going through the locks. I pull a little cord right before them that signals the lockmaster and they put me through just like a barge. I sometimes have to wait upwards of an hour and a half for the barges to go through first. Before Minneapolis I would have to carry my boat around the dams, sometimes up to a mile.
How do you carry the kayak? I've found them a lot harder to portage than canoes.	I usually take 2 trips. First I carry all my gear then I use a handle on the side of my kayak to carry it.
Once you conquer the Mississippi what will be your next adventure?	I want to come back and help a paraplegic be the first to paddle the entire river. I have had this on my mind for the last month and I think it could be done. The biggest obstacle is portaging around all the dams in Minnesota.
	Someday I would like to ride a bike from Coney Island, NY to Chicago then take route 66 to LA. Then I will have done my personal triple crown. Walk up the country, float down then peddle across.
Are you worried about how violent the river becomes in Louisiana? That undercurrent is a killer, literally.	Yes I am. 5 people have died on the river within a few miles of me since I have been out here. 4 in Burlington Iowa and one near Hannibal, MO. I stay very near the shore to avoid barges and to be safe. I am very aware that it will be dangerous but will continue anyways.
Most people who die on the river do so because they leave their life vests and brains on the dock to make room for more beer.	I have never been or will be on this river without my life vest. I keep a small drybag on my vest with my phone and wallet in case I get separated from my boat.
Are you doing your ama from a mobile device on the water or are you taking a break right now?	I am taking the day off. I am at a holliday inn with a business center. I do check reddit every couple of nights from my phone but have to conserve my battery in case I need my phone for an emergency. I stay in a hotel about once every 10 days and this is the second time I took an entire day off. I woke up today and was unable to close my fingers in a fist without a ton of pain and thought it would be a good idea to rest.
Where is your kayak while you are in the hotel room? Did you take it in with you?	A marina here is letting me keep it there overnight. Sometimes I hide it among the trees on the shore when I run into town.
How much gear have you ditched so far because you overpacked?	Haven't ditched any gear but have lost or broken; solar panel, gps, laptop, gloves, knit hat, kayak paddle and a fleece.
What piece of gear do you wish you had that you don't? What piece of gear has surprised you most? What piece of gear has disappointed you most?	I wish I had a spare kayak paddle. My kayak paddle dissapointed me when it broke but the worst piece of gear I had was a Brunton Solar charger. It just straight up did not work even with 12 hours of direct sunlight.
Cat can stove?	Cat Can Stove! I don't think anything inflatable could make it down this river because of all the debris.
Do you have any plans for future excursions?	I want to do the river again but to act as a guide for a paraplegic and help him/her around the dams and such. It has become clear to me out here that life is better when you stop worrying about yourself and start helping others. If I could share this freedom with someone who might feel confined by their chair then that is a pretty good life.
	One day I want to ride a bicycle across the country to complete my triple crown. Walk up, paddle down and ride across. I want to touch the South Pole before I die.
Ehat do you mean by "walk up"? Can you elaborate?	When I hiked the Appalachian trail I walked up the country from Georgia to Maine.
When you camp on the side of the river, do you just do it wherever? did you have to organize/reserve locations, or do you just hobo-style it? any problems with authorities ever?	I usually stay on islands and pull my boat all the way off the water. No one can really see me.
What kind of wildlife do you see??	At the start there was an amazing amount of wildlife. My favorite was a small furry wolf that was drinking from the riverside. I have seen a ton of deer, ducks, geese, loons, herons and beavers. I also saw a whooping crane. I have a picture of it.
How enormous are the whirlpools? I heard the Mississippi gets massive whirlpools, if so, have you ever gotten stuck in one?	They can be upwards of 20 feet. They can be frustrating because there seems to be no good way to paddle around them without being spun around a bit. The more speed you have when skirting by them the less effect they have.
How fast does the Mississippi move? Like, you say you're paddling down it, but could you conceivably just float down it?	From Minneapolis to St. Louis the river is controlled by locks and dams. Usually the wind comes from the South and if I do not paddle it pushes me upstream. The current picks up a ton after St. Louis because there are no more dams and floating becomes an option.
Tell us about the stuff you need to figure out about Iraq. What have you been doing since you came back, and why the need for adventure right now?	The weight of being responsible for other people's deaths weighs heavy on my heart. I worked for the company that made the drone I flew for a while until they told me I would have to go to Afghanistan. I went back to school for a bit and waited tables. I knew in my heart that I was an adventurer and the only way to get back to that is to dive in.
How polluted is the Mississip?	Outside of the cities it is not too bad. I have been by probably 25 coal power plants and tons of factories. The quad cities treats the river like a dump. The water is polluted beyond belief but local groups keep the shoreline decently clean, except in Minneapolis.
As someone who is looking at the filthy bastard right now, (Muscatine, Iowa) what made you choose the Mississippi?	I grew up in Memphis and used to hang out at the river. I am just one of those people that when they see a mountain they want to climb it.
Ever read the story "Big Two-Hearted River" by Hemingway? You sound a bit like the character in that. Enjoy your journey and thanks for sharing.	No I did read The River Why, Down the River, Huck Finn, and A River Runs Through it though.
How swole are your arms?	I lifted a while before this and my arms have actually gotten smaller but more toned.
Any close calls with shady people? Any times where you feared for your safety? Thank you for your military service.	Whenever I go through a larger town or city there are people who hang out under the bridges. I avoid them.
Once you get to the mouth in Venice, Louisiana. Would you like to have a beer with me?	Sure.
How often do you listen to Black Water by the Doobie Brothers?	I heard it on the radio about two weeks ago and sang along. The stroke by Billy Squire and Drift Away are 2 good paddlin songs too. You can usually find me singing along to Brittney Spears and Ke$ha to be honest.
How easy would it be to do this? Like how much experience do you recommend having before you set out on this journey?	You need a decent amount of paddling experience for this and must know how to read a river.
Cool.... Where would you get started for all of this?	Join a local paddling club. I went through the Memphis canoe and kayak club's courses on whitewater canoeing and kayaking in the 90's growing up. Even if you don't own a boat your local club will probably help you find something to paddle. When I am on my kayak it moves like another limb of my body. When you can paddle and not think about it you are golden. I used to work for an Outdoors shop in memphis. After work every day I would go to a small public lake at shelby farms and paddle for 2-3 hours. I did it because I loved it, even though I just went around in small circles. I did not know at the time that it would lead to this. Start small and dream big. I love the feeling of being on the water. Some people love climbing rocks. If it is el Cap, Everest, a solo sail around the world or maybe a float of the Mississippi that is your calling you will know.
Have you been smacked by any Asian carp yet?	Yes they do hit my boat daily. Since lock 19 in Iowa they have been everywhere.
Very cool, I think it is very cool to see someone actively crossing things off a bucket list! Too many people just talk about doing those things but are never serious. Thank you for your service as well!	I was paddling north of Minneapolis when I saw a couple of kayaks in front of me. I paddled to catch up and there were about 40 people paddling down the river. I had not seen anyone else paddling before and I was excited. They were a river club from Minneapolis that was out for a day paddle. One of the nice older ladies offered me a place to stay but I did not take the offer and paddled another 10 miles after they got out.
Just curious, how did you get by the Coon Rapids Dam in Minnesota? I imagine you just pulled out some where and put back in down river but I'd be interested to hear how anyway.	There is a ridiculously long trail that goes up and down over 2 old rail beds, across a concrete path, down a steep hill, across a 2 foot wide bridge, up a hill with a tree fallen in the middle, then down a long path, that turns into another long path, that finally goes down a hill into a parking lot and then down another steep hill. The path was covered in ticks and there was dicarded panties and broken liquor bottles the whole way. I described it in another response as "rapey". It was not a good time.
How long do you plan on this trip taking? And did you do anything special to prepare for a journey of this magnitude?	70-80 days Nothing too special to be honest. Having gone through SERE-C in the Army helped as well as a lifetime of trips in the outdoors.
Welcome to St. Louis! Just wondering if the river's as muddy everywhere else as it is here? We even have a cake named Mississippi Mud Cake, so, yeah... lol.	I used to drink the water and see down 6 feet. Since Iowa it has been bad. Remember playing "hot lava" as a kid. It is like that but with cancer.
Why?	I once heard that the afterlife might be a separation from time and you live your life over and over again. Do yo measure life in dollars or in sunsets?
	To an alien my life has purpose. What do you have. If it is kids and love you win. If not . . .
	Because I own things that money could never buy.
Did I miss the imgur link to OP's pictures?	The link is in my comments.
I work at a kayak rental shop in Cleveland, on lake Erie. Im assuming the boat is about 17 feet because you are obviously an experience paddler. Is that right?	It is 14 feet.
Did you bring any weed?	No :(
Bummer man.	I might find a stealth grow on the banks one of these days but I wouldn't want to steal it. I will keep on looking though.
Real men paddle FROM Pensacola TO Minneapolis.	If I could find someone to fund it I would turn around and paddle back when I am done.
I'd love a brief overview of the gear you're using.	The kayak is a Jackson Cuda Sit on top. I was using an Accent kayak paddle until the blade snapped in the quad cities. I use an Accent paddle board paddle now. I sleep in either my REI 2 man tent or on my ENO hammock. I cook with a denatured alcohol stove. I always wear my life jacket which I have a dry bag attached to hold my phone and wallet. I have a rather large river knife attached to my vest also. I use a Marmot 30 degree sleeping bag with a Thermarest Z-rest for my bed. I had a solar panel and a gps but the river took those from me a month ago.
LOVE my ENO hammock! Slept in it all weekend... Good luck brotha!	The ENO hammock is my favorite piece of gear.
As would I! I can't imagine using a sit on top for expedition paddling...a sea kayak feels so much more cozy to me.	I picked the Jackson Cuda because I can stand and paddle it like a paddle board. I didn't go with a traditional kayak because I was afraid my legs would not be able to handle months inside a regular kayak.
Good luck, sir. I hope you find what it is you're looking for.	You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.
Post that shit everywhere :D Maybe our numbers will swell abit.	And the trivia team will grow.
Please tell me that's not a fishing pole. I hope you don't plan on eating any fish from that river. Polluted nasty poop fish! That's my poop you are kayaking with! (I live in STL)	I would not eat anything south of the quad cities.
You are still north of myself - but when you reach Cairo to Caruthersville (spelling) anthing along that stretch - Basically the Convergance of Ohio and Miss - to where I44 crosses the River.	Thanks. I will be passing by probably Friday. I could definitely use a new kayak paddle but I think my mom in Memphis has a spare she will lend me. Mine broke in the quad cities and I have been using a paddleboard paddle like a canoe paddle. It is a mess and I can't close my hands fully anymore but I kind of like it.
You need anything because I could probably get it to you.	You can come out and we can high five if you want.
So - regarding Paddle and whatever - looks like I can swing heading North along the river on Thursday - so we are not constrained to a Friday crossing timeline. So outside of the Paddle - any "inland" favorites you desire let me know and we will try and work this out.	I talked to my mom and I have an old paddle of mine at her place in Memphis. If you just want to come say hi that would be nice.
Because of the width and the height of the Cuda, a 240cm paddle would be best if you're going to provide a replacement. Maybe the Bending Branches infusion with the soft grips...	I was using a 240 before because of the cuda's height. When you set the chair in the low position it is actually not that tall. It is an amazing vessel.
You should launch a Kickstarter campaign to write/document your travels. Perhaps when you do the trip again with a Wounded Warrior. The Wounded Warrior project could perhaps help too.	If I could raise money I might. I am well read and well educated but I feel no need to share this. If I could help someone by being popular that would be good. I would rather just die with this than let someone sell it.
	I plan on writing a book but I do not like attention while I am doing it. I have already written over 120 pages in my journal but I feel the river is the true story, not some asshole like me going down it If I do ever publish a book about this I want it to be like cannery row, a bit of the wild slipping on the knife. Some days I just wish I was like the kid in into the wild and if I die out here it is worth writing about.
I'm pretty sure I recall you posting your "ride wanted" ad in the twinscitiessocial subreddit or something of the like. Glad to see you found your ride! I recently traveled alongside the river just in Minnesota alone and am really jealous of your trip. No questions here, just good luck!	Give some love to mn_redditor. Without him I would not be here.
When you come through Vicksburg, Mississippi, let me know!	I will send you a message when I am close.
Did you get bitten by a snake. I fear most bodies of water because of this T_T.	I have only seen two snakes in the water, both while waiting for locks. There will be more.
Oh my gosh HEY, i know you! I work at the Four Points you stayed at in MPLS and drove you around in the shuttle :) So fun to see your post on here and see the pictures of where you've been!	Hey thanks for the radio station advice. You were a cool chick.
I admire your exercise in Zen. I find mine climbing rock walls. Enjoy the solidarity, risk, and enlightenment. The process of present moments is what matters.	The best days are the ones where the hours melt like minutes.
When you get back the zombie contamination will be over.	I always wanted to be patient zero in the zombie apocalypse. Maybe the foul waters of lousiana will cause this.

Last updated: 2012-06-03 02:11 UTC
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[Table] I am a singer and pianist at a very famous piano bar on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. AMA

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-06-15
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
Because you're not a good enough musician?	Yeah its too advanced. harder to play than steely dan / joni mitchell combined.
Any stories about brawls? What exactly do you mean by "drunk shenanigans." Are the slutty girls not tourists? Are these "working girls"? Or just working girls.	Without sounding cocky or anything, the truth is that i get hit on a lot by women. phone numbers, hotel room keys, etc. (being able to play piano & control a room is a pretty powerful thing)
	We've had some pretty big fights but 99% of the time it's a fun atmosphere- ppl drinking and singing along with us. the fights are usually Alabama football v LSU fans.
If you want to get laid there are a couple steps you've got to do. 1. Learn to play an instrument or one song really well. 2. Play it in front of drunk women. 3. Get laid. -Guy Code.	Its sort of like having a super power, or being super handsome. but yeah, man, years and years of practice (at piano and performing, not getting laid lol)
Ever take any of them up on it? :D?	A lady never tells.
Could you please please please please a million times please do a rendition of Tom Waits's Alice?	Damn you guys are too damn hip for me with these awesome requests :-\ i can play "down in the hole" or another tom waits for ya but i haven't learned "alice" yet (but what a great tune)..
I'm down with anything from Tom Waits. Do your favorite song. Also, what a nice album from James Booker that is.	Link to youtu.be hope you like it!
How in the hell do you guys remember so many songs? Do you just sit around learning random tunes that drunks might think of?	I have lyrics and chords on the iPad they let us bring on stage. if a song i dont know gets requested a lot, i'm losing money by not knowing it, so i learn it. but sometimes, if i really love a song, i learn it. the last song i learned bc i liked it was "Diane Young" (from the new vampire weekend record). sounds fucking great on piano too.
Can you upload a video of you playing Diane Young?	Link to www.youtube.com
Craziest Bourbon Street/bar story?	One friday night about a year ago, i was singing "hotel california" to the piano bar full of people (i think it was around superbowl time. totally packed). anyways, i get to the line in the song "they stab it full of steely knives, but they just cant kill the BEAST." As soon as I say the word "Beast," all of the lights in the room go out. Pitch darkness.
	Everyone starts to freak out, yelling, spilling drinks, trying to head for the exit but theres no light, glass everywhere.
	Turns out it was a result of a black out in the entire french quarter. Everyone had to leave, because power wouldn't be restored for hours.
	Apart from that, Mario Lopez was in the piano bar last night, so i guess that's just as crazy (AC Slater requesting "tiny dancer"). I got douche chills..
Do you play any other instruments?	I consider myself "basically terrible" on guitar. I have been attempting to learn the cowbell, as well. Very difficult instrument.
Two questions... Who would be your dream partner to play with? If the table was turned, what's one song you would request?	Elton john (or the ghost of james brown)
	"gimme shelter" by the rolling stones or "badfish" by sublime.
Is this your dream job, or are you working on something? Ever dream about taking your show on the road? Am I correct that you play the piano? I'm mulling over a request. "Piano man" seems so cliche. But it is a great song.	I just turned 30 a month ago, but i don't plan on working on bourbon street my whole life. i record a lot and write a lot, and try to stay creative & busy. always getting better.
Okay, how about the song How Come My Dog Don't Bark? Can you do that one?	I don't know that one actually, but i know dr john's "such a night" and "right place wrong time"
	Either one of those? i can play it now real quick if u want ;)
How about "such a night," haven't heard that one for a while. Thanks!	Just recorded it, its uploading (give it a min and i'll post the link)
What songs are requested the most? I'll bet the tips are pretty good from all of the drunk tourists.	Sweet caroline.
	Piano man.
	Tiny dancer.
	Don't stop believing.
	Brown eyed girl.
	These are the most by far. i've played "sweet caroline" more times than neil diamond himself, guaranteed (he's never had to play it 5 times in a night lol)
How do you feel about Bob Breck's toupee?	Partly askew with a chance of drizzle.
Lucky Dogs. Best drunk food ever or the worst drunk food ever?	Gross. made from dire wolf meat and broken dreams.
Question from the wife: what's the application process like?	The application process involved me calling the GM every day for like a month, telling him i'd play for free for a week, etc. i was pretty persistent (read: annoying) i initially didn't get the job, and had to move to pennsylvania for a few years bc of hurricane katrina. when i got back, the GM called me to play, so i found a replacement piano player for the casino gig i was at, & drove straight there from mississippi. been there ever since.
Question from me: what's up with the dude with the tray full of coins? It's annoying.	Thats alvin - he's a great guy, and good friend. been working there 42 years;)
Is Lafitte's haunted? And do you know a man with the last name Spence?	Not sure but theres some crazy juju in that place. i've played there before and its really fun
	Doesnt ring a bell.
What's the biggest tip you've received, most famous patron?	$1500 to play American Pie. Apparently the guy had just won a whole lot of money at the casino, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. You better believe I played every damn verse of that song. There's at least 483 verses, fyi.
C-Can I request it?? Full version please, I hate it when the radio skips verses, as I know the whole song by heart. I love that song... I understand it's a bit long and understand if you say no.^_^	Apparently the going rate for the full song is around $1500.
As a fellow pianist, I think your job is amazing. This would be a dream job for me except I cant sing :(. What kind of piano education do you have? When did you start playing? Knowing so many songs, is there a trick you use to remember them or is it just remembering the chord progression?	Its hard to explain, but because i mainly am playing by ear for work, i just have to be familiar enough with a song, the general "vibe" or rhythmic feeling it has, and its not that hard. i have the ipad at work mainly for the lyrics. ALSO, i am pretty terrible at remembering peoples names/faces. i have the suspicion that all that space in my memory is being used up by shitty jimmy buffett songs.
Horny Gators. Hand Grenades. Daiquiri Shops. Absinthe. What's your favorite drink to get that may be overlooked or unknown to a visitor on Bourbon Street?	Try a Gin Fizz at Tujague's, or an Old Fashioned at the Ritz.
Got any good stories of famous people coming in?	Funny celeb story, zac brown was in the piano bar like 3 months ago, and i was sort of nervous because everyone was requesting zac brown songs. its nerve-racking playing someones song in front of them. i mean, fuck that. seriously. anyways, i played "colder weather" and it went OK and then i noticed the guy had signed "Thanks for the music. -Zach" on the napkin. he was totally NOT fucking zac brown (theres no "H" in his name), he was just a hillbilly with a trucker hat and a grizzly adams beard drinking bud light and signing autographs, hitting on girls. dude fooled the entire place for 2 hours, taking pictures, etc. in retrospect, it was pretty hilarious.
	Michael buble came in after a show here in new orleans and was super nice to everyone, taking pictures etc. apparently he requested one of his own songs "save the last dance." During the superbowl in Feb, we had a ton of celebs come through. jerry rice, jason bateman (hero), billionaire jerry jones (great tipper ;), got to meet michael phelps, everyone was super nice. andy roddick and brooklyn decker came awhile back, she requested "don't stop believing." (i DEFINITELY didn't smell the napkin after she handed it to me like a creeper. promise.). the crossbow dude from "the walking dead" comes in every year for new orleans comicon, super nice guy. and last, but certainly not least, Lance Bass.
That's awesome! Also you'll get a lot of /thewalkingdead fans talking about Norman Reedus, or "The crossbow dude" haha.	Norman is a cool dude. came in with the boondock saints cast (minus willem dafoe) and requested "rocket man"
What song do you love to play that people don't request enough?	Michael jackson "the way you make me feel" --love it.
I'd like to see a recording of this one!	Sure i'll post one- gimme a sec.
	Link to youtu.be there ya go.
What are your favorite and least favorite events in NOLA? Like Mardi Gras, Bayou Classic, Jazzfest, etc.	I guess bayou classic only because its the most dangerous weekend of the year. also, never to wear a pink tie during "southern decadence" weekend. huge mistake, though the crowd is actually really fun and they are good tippers.
Best random sit in guest?	In the history of the piano bar, i'd have to say either willie nelson or kenny rodgers, though this was before my time. we do get a fair amount of celebs but i havent had any notable sit-ins, unfortunately...
Question: How long have you been playing? Do you have any formal qualifications/training/grading/boss level victories? How many hours per week do you play, practice included? Request: Tom Waits - All the world is green. Statement: You're cool.	Thanks man, i am on stage performing at least 20 hours a week. besides that, i am always learning new songs, writing songs, thinking about music. just finished a music video for a new music project. i also do a considerable amount of session work, where people hire me to play piano in the studio for hip hop/country/liturgical/anything... helps to be versatile.
Are you ever unable to play something because it simply wouldn't work on piano?	If i try hard enough i can do a rendition of anything on the piano. even lil wayne.
Since other people are doing requests...I would love to hear a piano rendition of Biggie Smalls Going Back to Cali.	The only b.i.g. i know is "juicy" -let me know if thats aight.
Heck yeah man, I couldn't decide between juicy and going back to cali.	Link to youtu.be
Any Beginner tips for a young pianoman looking to start somewhere?	Don't be afraid to make mistakes. my immediate reaction when i hit a wrong note or can't reach a high vocal parts is to smile. we're not performing brain surgery over here. if you stress out over it, the audience can tell. have fun and enjoy it. shake it off, homie.
	You will learn SO MUCH MORE from bad gigs than from good ones. and you WILL have some awful gigs, starting out. learn from them. (i still have bad nights all the time)
	Don't underestimate the power of a good business card. with design/printing, they may cost you 150-200 bucks, BUT the'll last you for years. makes you look professional. also, always overdress for gigs.
	Lastly, i'd recommend going to a nursing home that has a piano sometime and play for the elderly. not only is it good karma, but they are the easiest audience you'll ever have. it will be the highlight of their day, even if you sound terrible:)
	Good luck, and feel free to email me if u have any more questions: mageezbeats at gmail.
For God's sake, do you know "Football's coming home"? Piano bars just aren't the same across the pond! What's your favorite piano bar song that doesn't seem to get enough love?	Billy Joel - Vienna is one of my favorite piano songs that we rarely get requests for.
I don't understand how. It's such gorgeous song. Post it?	Sure gimme a few minutes
Where did you live when you were in Pennsylvania and what did you do there? I would looove if you could do a Steely Dan song for me. "Kid Charlemagne" if you know it. Never saw someone able to play it on the piano.	Woof... i'd rather not try and embarass myself trying to rock out some steely dan on the piano. shit is written for 12-string and is crazy. musically brilliant, but cray. lived in bethlehem, pennsylvania and finished my bachelors in music performance degree at Lehigh University (was at Tulane)
Do you play at lafitte's? :)	No but i have played there before. awesome spot, and the owner, Joe, is a great guy.
I've just started watching Treme, the TV show, have you seen it? If you did, what did you think of it? How accurate would you say it is in their portrayal of New Orleans musicians?	Watched the first episode and but didn't watch anymore. i'm sure its a good show, but it is literally like walking outside of my apartment and walking around (i live in the french quarter near the marigny / treme area). would you watch a show about your yard and job and your neighbors and yourself? too familiar to be interesting. but i do love the wire, so david simon knows whats up.
That's awesome... Was trying to guess by the background... One last guess, then I will stop... Pat O'brien's? :)	Can't really confirm or deny. But you're pretty much narrowed it down ;) i'll say this- its the BEST piano bar in the world. That should be enough of a hint.
Makes sense. Thanks for answering and great job with the AmA!	Thanks. new to all this but its been fun.
Did you work Mardi Gras night this year? I think I got to see you play.	There's only 2 male players there, so its likely.
Son could you play me a melody? I'm not really sure how it goes but it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man's clothes.	Dont know any. sorry.
Hmm, maybe i'll ask billy joel. Link to www.youtube.com.	Thanks for the link! was that leaked off kanye west's new album? super tight!
Kind of a weird question, but I always thought Bourbon street had nothing on Frenchmen street (less authentic, more touristy/tacky, just my opinion, though, please understand). What makes you love Bourbon so much?	I don't love bourbon street. actually, i havent gone out on bourbon street in years. frenchman has a lot more new orleans authentic jazz groups and a more laid back / less touristy atmosphere by far. when i have a night off, i usually just watch netflix.
Do you play "at the gangbang"?	Nope. sounds like a beautiful song though.
Can somebody give you money NOT to play a song? I swear to God if I go to a piano bar and hear Piano Man one more time I'm going to lose my shit. Other question: what's the hardest song you know? Last piano bar I went to I requested Yes - Roundabout and the dude laughed and said he couldn't play it.	Some piano bars do that, but at the one I work at, we don't stop playing songs just because someone throws money at us. As far as the hardest song I know, it's a toss-up between "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" and "Changes" by Tupac.
	Its hard to rap like Tupac and play relatively-complicated bruce hornsby chord changes at the same time. Like patting your head & rubbing your belly at the same time.
Cool. I play piano too and The Way It Is is one of my favorite songs to play.	The songs we get requested are normally simple pop tunes, musically.
Uhmm, if you may could you pour your talent into some Johnny Cash, maybe "God's gonna cut you down"? Thank you so much. You're the best!	Ok i've never heard the song before but i am going to challenge myself to learn it real quick and give you a video. no bullshit. give me 5-10 min.
	Thanks. i give myself a B minus for accuracy, but an A for effort.
I play out a few nights a week solo acoustic and know about 70 songs. 3000 is fucking amazing! How long are the sets you play? What kind of vocal warm up do you do so that 5 nights of singing doesn't kill your voice?	We play hour long shifts 4 times a night. thats 4 hours a night with hour long breaks in between.
	My record is 22 nights straight singing multiple hours a night. (that was during the saints superbowl season lol...)
	I guess i have good technique (never taken a singing lesson in my life), lots of water, and hitting the vibrate button when people call me during the day.
	Green tea/honey/lemon when the pipes are feeling scratchy always helps. or if you are a drinking man, try a shot of baronjaeger (honey liquor, works like a charm)
Aww, so it's like the Disneyland of New Orleans? That doesn't sound as cool as what I had in my head.	Bourbon st is not that cool. actually its the least cool part of new orleans. but trust me you'll still fall in love with the city.
Chopin--Polonaise Heroic, Op.53.	Not doing any more videos today. maybe tomorrow.
Also, is there any work in New Orleans for a bassist these days?	And YES. good bass players are the busiest musicians i know. GREAT bass players can never fit you in because they're so booked up.
I just moved to Baton Rouge from Texas. Do you ever come play here? I am a musician myself and love finding new people to play with.	Yea i'm actually playing a charity gig in BR june 25th but i normally don't play there much... you play around town?
Not yet. Going to some open mics in the coming weeks to jam and meet the local musicians and hopefully find someone to gig with. Where are you playing in BR later this month? You have a dream job, man.	Somewhere on lsu campus i think for a big art charity foundation. thanks man- its a fun job. always interesting.
Aww you're our favorite one!! Does the bohemian rhapsody get played every single day? I can't get enough of screaming that freaking song, but I'm sure it gets old for you! Thanks for keeping up our fav spot :)	Thanks:) yeah, it gets requested quite a bit (not the easiest song to sing though) nice name, by the way.
Have you ever covered any music by jam bands like the grateful dead or phish? I plan on going to New Orleans in the next year when I turn 21 and I would be so happy to hear some good ol dead.	Casey jones, scarlet begonias, & a couple more i can't remember.
Check this guy out! Old video, but I love it Link to www.youtube.com.	Whoa nice- "paper planes" is one of the songs i've sat down to learn, but its such a weird track that its hard to put melodic content in there. thanks for the link.
Silly question but what the heck, have you ever met lil wayne or birdman?	Was hired to interview birdman for YRB magazine a few years back, unrelated to the piano bar (i'm not a journalist by any means but a friend needed a favor). he was wearing an all gucci tracksuit and showed up in a stretch PT cruiser. true story.
I had a chance to see one of the best singepianist/storytellers in the business one night in Seattle. Allen Toussaint took us on a journey extraordinaire that night. Do you do that kind of show? I think the art of telling a story with music as the backdrop is going by the wayside.	Love allen toussaint. incredibly talented and really connects with the music. ALSO, my vote for New Orleans best-dressed of all time. (huey p. long being a distant 2nd)
Did I just see a fuckin' shuriken made out of money?!	Definitely still have the shuriken. its worth far more than the $2 it was constructed with.
Do people ever request New Orleans jazz music or is it just rock/pop?	Everything from scott joplin to (shudder) carly rae jepsen.
Just recorded it, its uploading (give it a min and i'll post the link)	Link to youtu.be
My 11-year-old daughter requests Adel's Rolling in the Deep. I warned her that might not be your style, but I told her I would ask.	Sure give me a sec
Started at 4 and a half years old. had classical piano lessons up until college, majored in piano performance at Tulane... parents really cracked the whip, made me practice hours a day. really hated it then, but i thank them every day now.	Ps fuck the jets.
Try a Gin Fizz at Tujague's, or an Old Fashioned at the Ritz.	As far as bourbon st goes, i wouldnt recommend any novelty drinks whatsoever unless you want a hangover. but that's my personal preference bc i hate sugary drinks. some of my girl friends love the "190 octane" daiquiris (they are deceptively strong too)
I'm in the UK here, so don't really know New Orleans. Can you tell us a bit about the famous piano bar and Bourbon Street in general. Thanks.	Without going into specifics about my particular place of work, a piano bar is a place where people can sit a table with their friends, write down song requests on a napkin or paper, and hand it to the players (sometimes with tips, sometimes not). then they get served a strong mixed drink concoction, and enjoy hearing their favorite songs live. it's like a concert where you determine the playlist, and everyone, including the patrons, can sing along and interact with the show. if you want to know about bourbon street in general, i dont know where to begin... it's a place where bad decisions are made, the original "boulevard of broken dreams."
. I'll love you even more for doing this song.	Ok lol not bad for having never heard it to 5 minutes later: Link to youtu.be -i like challenging myself ;)
Sure gimme a few minutes	Link to youtu.be love this song.
I've played piano all my life, and I am nowhere good enough to do something like this, but this sounds like a fucking dream job.	Human jukeboxes, spreading good cheer for lots of people. it is an awesome job, though it can get mentally exhausting, like any other job.
I'm going there tonight! I'll draw a Snoo smiley face on the napkin request :)	I'm not working tonight :-\ whats snoo?
Wayne and I want to know what your favorite winged mythological creature is.	Dragons, mostly.
A few months ago I drunkenly asked you or one of your colleagues to play a Kate Bush song. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.	Forgiveable. better than asking for a song by the band bush.
What are some of your favorite bars to go to in nola, sidenote i'm from louisiana also.	Dba/blue nile on frenchman, delachaise uptown. honestly i'm at a bar so much at work i dont do too much bar-hopping when i have a night off. in the french quarter, i like finnegans, sometimes bmc.
I know its cliche', but I love "Piano Man" :D Such a good song! ^_^ I hope you're not entirely sick of it!!!	I'm not entirely sick of piano man, per se.. sometimes i catch myself on auto-pilot, however.

Last updated: 2013-06-19 16:12 UTC
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Rhys Benoit Son of Hecate

Camp Half-Blood RP

General Information

Family

Abilities

Powers

Passive Power: Minor Magic - Can Cast Minor Spells

Control Over the Mist

Ability to Communicate With the Dead

Minor Necromancy

Weakness/es-Drawback/s

Like most demigods he'll start to feel tired after a bit of use. But for the magic and alchemy there's a bit of a catch. Anytime he uses a spell he must have the items needed for the spell. So, if it calls for a dracon's tooth he better have one.

Skill/s:

Equipment

Appearance

Personality

Backstory

Friends and Allies

His Story So Far

Control

Someone Lost Their Mind

New Camper I'm Working On: Rhys Benoit

Camp Half-Blood RP

General Information

Family

Abilities

Powers

Passive Power: Minor Magic - Can Cast Minor Spells

Control Over the Mist

Ability to Communicate With the Dead

Alchemy Expertise

Weakness/es-Drawback/s

Like most demigods he'll start to feel tired after a bit. But for the magic and alchemy there's a bit of a catch. Anytime he uses a spell he must have the items needed for the spell. So, if it calls for a dracon's tooth he better have one.

Skill/s:

Equipment

Appearance

Personality

Backstory

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[Table] IAmA Person on day 44 of Paddling the entire Mississippi River

[Table] I am a singer and pianist at a very famous piano bar on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. AMA

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